Wow! I haven’t written here in a year, maybe more! And guess what? I’m back in Koh Phangan. More about that later, for those who have been wondering what I’ve been up to this last year, you’re about to find out. To any newcomers, welcome. Thank you for being here, I’m honored to have you in my journey.
So, after my last in-depth healing in Koh Phangan I went back to Holland for a month to fight with my ex and look for apartments, it was wonderful. I spent about a week and a half sleeping on one of our mutual friends couches and meditating, looking at apartments from a distance, as well as getting some expert advice from my friend on how to handle my emotions when it comes to my ex. Thank you for that, darling. I then went to Utrecht, my current city, and found an AirBnB to stay at for almost two weeks, just to look at apartments from up-close. There I met two spectacular people who bought me inspiration that there is beauty in this world and love in every corner, hidden in the crevices, making them every shape, size, and color of the rainbow. I felt in their home, in this city that would be mine as well, inspiration that it, whatever it is, would all come together. With these two friends to rest my head on, I felt safe, I felt home. And this also made my mom happy!
I found an apartment (hooray!) and my ex helped me with getting the keys and everything, since my flight to New York was before the key switch. After a week catching up with old friends and family, I was reminded that that place, my hometown, had nothing much there for me anymore. Not to say that it wasn’t great connecting with my family and the few of my friends that still lived there, but none of my roots were still anchored there. All of my friends had moved away and, given that the pubic transit is nothing to brag about on Long Island, seeing my family wasn’t aways an option. Not to mention that I left when I was seventeen, and every reason why I had left came to my memory. So, I booked a flight to Arizona to visit my high-school bestie who was living there while her boyfriend attended guitar building school.
Added bonus: Arizona is super warm so I didn’t need to deal with that nasty winter cold! It was a great week to relax, see a different place, do a bit of traveling, a bit of partying, catching up, hanging out, and (finally) visiting the Grand Canyon! Went back for a lovely Christmas with my family and then headed upstate to visit some loved ones while underway to a grand NYE surprise for my maple-syrup loving ginger darling. It was just the right time for someone who needed a hug, extra love, and a talkin’ to. I spent the week with a touching family that is close to nature, tight-knit, and grounded in a supportive way! I didn’t know families like that existed, but they absorbed me into themselves as if I were one. And I got to sing the Canadian National Anthem, which I think my dad would have been proud of.
To summarize, I went back to NYC and then made my way back to Holland, fought some more with my ex, and stayed again at sed former-AirBnB-host-now-friend’s house until I got the apartment set up. As the months progressed, I had a multitude of visitors, including my cousin who stayed with me for about a month, made many new friends, had multiple very strange and diverse love interests, deepened my meditation and yoga practice, and, inevitably, had to find out what the heck I’m going to do for my visa. One of sed romantic flings was an expat lawyer who gave me the idea to utilize the Dutch American Friendship Treaty for my visa. I went ahead and found a visa lawyer specializing in DAFT who didn’t have romantic interest in me to help me with this endeavor. Since I was already doing some freelance writing and coincidentally completed some hours of teacher’s training in India, he suggested that I use these skills to my advantage as a self-standing business.
The next few months unfolded in strange ways. Everything kind of fluxed, things really set themselves into motion, I made a lot of breath-taking friends, had a wonderful romance that made my heart flutter, and was gaining perspective and momentum with my personal projects. It wasn’t easy, I really had no idea what I was doing for several months and became very frustrated with myself, but eventually I found a smooth wave to ride. I would give yoga lessons in the park for free or donation and people were coming! I then gave a few workshops, cooking lessons, and lectures (all for donation base) and to my amazement people were actually coming!
In August my mom came to Europe for two weeks, my birthday present to her and also to myself, since it overlapped with my own birthday. We spent about a week in Holland and another week split up between Germany and Hungary. My mom has a cousin in Bavaria who was kind enough to host us for two nights, and then again one more night on the way back. It was amazing to be in a setting that felt so grounded. Of course this woman and I have the same blood but I really felt in her home as if I was in Mother Earth, the smells of Bavarian cooking the same as when my grandmother would make the same things at home. She was even compassionate to my vegan diet and would make special vegan dishes for me, so this was particularly heart-warming. The same could be said for Hungary, which I was called to last year and, if you’ve read my previous post, could feel the maternal roots vibrating with positive energy. We headed back to Holland, I kissed my mother good-bye for now. Due to some banking issues I would go back to NYC for a few days the following week, so it wasn’t really goodbye after all.
I was, however, fated to go to New York with my heart in my stomach, both of which felt empty. I found out that sed romancer who had set my heart asunder would leave it in pieces and had walked on with another. Though I was in utter dismay, well most of all disappointment, I was able to carry on to New York with a heart of love and joy from my friends and family. The first day was very practical: spending time with my mom, going to the bank, and a happy surprise from one of my close friends who also happened to be on Long Island that day. With even more luck, it was one of my friend’s birthdays so we got to go on one of my favorite routes to Eastern Long Island where they had all booked a house in The Hamptons. Another fun adventure with friends, immediately followed by the baby-sprinkle of my now newborn nephew, fun and cuddles with my little nieces, before my return to cheese and bikes.
Returning was pretty bitter, seeing my city that had always made me twinkle with joy now stained with the memories of an infidel lover, nonetheless it was now full of friends who loved and support me at every corner. I spent the next two months getting my shit together, watching the house of a friend, moving into a new place, running again every day!, organizing a business strategy for the upcoming months, and really moving forward.
Until, and sorry I’ve been keeping this quite hushed as I didn’t want to worry anyone, I was attacked by a man at a party. I will skip the details but I needed to get stitches in the back of my head where I was wounded and then had a concussion for about a month and a half. Everyday things were not happening and the concussion was pretty intense for the first two weeks so I could barely do anything, I couldn’t even gargle without holding on to something, let alone bike, which was the biggest devastation since I use it for everything and I love taking long bike rides to clear my mind.
So after the first two weeks I didn’t foresee much forward momentum with teaching yoga or organizing viewings for studios, so I thought of other options, I am certified as a bereavement counselor, right? In the end I decided to sign up for yoga school. My thinking was, I know I feel good in Thailand, why don’t I go back there and sort things out, also my best friend lives in Singapore so, hey, why not. Coincidentally the yoga school where I had previously done some tantra workshops was offering their Level One Intensive course beginning the day after I was planned to land. Following that one they were offering a teacher’s training course. So now I can finish my certificate and not feel like a quack even though my 50hrs in Rishikesh were more than authentic than what most yoga instructors in Holland are taught, but I digress. And so here I am, in the final week of Level One, doing all sorts of weird stuff. The following posts are going to be recaps of what real yoga is about and all the fun, weird things we’re doing here in Ko Phangan.
Glad to have you along for the ride, buckle up, it’s about to get weird.
Peace, Love, Harmony,